Melt Into Me
by suspensegirl
Summary: 4x04 Canadian promo & CB 4x05  spoilers included - "...I was in denial." "You said no one would ever measure up to what we had. I thought that was true." Chuck ends up at Blair's after finally stripping everything she has away. Oneshot.


A/N: 4x03 pissed me off. Future CB spoilers are bound to break my heart if they come true. And I'm not getting reviews. But, recently I saw the 4x04 Canadian promo for Gossip Girl, and, despite where the scene leads, the epicness of CB's few words was there. I started a video & I'm writing this oneshot based off it. This fic technically takes place after Chuck is "done" trying to "destroy" Blair's life. I'm not gonna touch on exactly what he does that much, because, aside from social humiliation at Columbia, I have no clue. Lol. Please review.

*I own nothing. No copyright infringement intended.

….

"Satisfied?"

He looked up at her as she walked into the room. He hadn't planned on coming over to see her. Maybe he had been hoping she wouldn't be there and he could just sit and think in a place that was familiar. He didn't know anything anymore. He was blaming others, blaming himself, hurting people for what he'd done or what the facts were just because he didn't like how out of control the situation had been.

He didn't say anything and she stopped moving halfway across the room. She saw him sitting on her bed with a photo album in his hands. She didn't know if it contained pictures of them, but she wouldn't be surprised if it did. It was the closest he was going to get to _good times_ with her. His eyes drifted back down to the pictures, and in two long strides she finished crossing the room over to him and snatched the book out of his hands. She placed it in her closet across the room.

"You undid everything," she said. For the first time he realized her cheeks were stained with tears.

"What?" he asked, sounding quietly bewildered by her statement.

"Last year you fought hard for my self-esteem, to make me feel like I belonged, like I could be the superior amongst my peers again. Then, you ripped it all out from under me. I have nothing left. So," She wiped a dripping tear off her face. "Are you satisfied?"

Slowly, he stood to his feet and walked towards her.

"You said I couldn't destroy you," he said. "You were wrong. I told you it wouldn't be easy if I came back, but still you insisted," he scoffed.

She blinked and her eyebrows narrowed. "It's not my fault your girlfriend was a stripper. All I did was show you the truth—"

"You didn't have to do that!" he yelled. She didn't so much as shake from the intense volume and desperation in his voice. She stood her ground and pursed her lips. Despite the tears traveling down her face, her voice was firm and clear. There was no sign of weakness when she spoke.

"You would have rather found out on your own? You know she would have never told you."

He scoffed and shook his head, turning around and walking back to her bed. He refused to sit on it though. His chest felt very tight and like he was going to explode. He thought about throwing Blair across the room. He'd never hurt her, he reminded himself, but lately he'd be convinced that making Blair hate him was the best route to take. Maybe if she was scared of him it would be even better. Then, she wouldn't dare try and make him stay. If he did seriously hurt her, he'd be sent to prison where he'd forever be apart from everyone he knew. He wished he'd died on those streets in Prague.

"Why are you here?" she asked on a sigh. It wasn't angry, just a little annoyed and definitely confused. "There's nothing more you can do to me. You already brought Jenny back, so I'd have to see her everyday. You made Serena the Queen Bee of Columbia, so once again I have to live in her shadow. Somehow you also miraculously managed to limit the amount I could use on my credit cards. I have no one – nothing. If you're trying to make me as miserable as you are, you've achieved your goal."

He turned to face her, contemplating briefly if he should tell her that he wasn't miserable. It was the farthest thing from the truth though. Anyone who saw him could see that. Blair could always see through him like he was ghost. Transparency was the way they lived, the way the two of them operated with each other, even if it wasn't with anybody else.

"Have you come to rape me?" She asked tauntingly, crossing her arms across her chest. His eyes narrowed. Normally he'd have some witty reaction about how it'd hardly be rape, but he found himself speechless. "So, w-when I remember my first time, I'll be scarred because it was with the first person that violated me?"

She hadn't meant to stutter. A sniffle had just slipped through on accident. The first outward appearance of her inner struggle seemed to soften his resolve.

"Blair, I would never—"

"Do that?" she spat back, cutting him off. "There are a lot of things I thought you would never do." His mouth quickly closed, and he thought time had frozen completely. The tension was so thick, he couldn't have even reached for the knife that might have cut through it, that might have fixed them. If he had wanted to be friends before, even that was out of the question now.

She shook her head and laughed in disgust when he still didn't say anything several minutes later. "If you're not going to physically hurt me, I think you should go. I'd like to cry in peace."

His eyes flickered up to hers, hurt etched across his face. _What had he done?_ He'd gone to great lengths to hurt her. He hadn't done that since their junior year in high school. None of this had been her fault. She may have been trying to look for a fault in Eva so that they would break up, but she hadn't manipulated the situation at all. She'd just told the truth, and for that he pulled out the rug from under her, destroying everything she had left.

"You told me you didn't love me," he said bluntly. She almost laughed. Then her face grew incredibly serious with disdain. Her eyebrows narrowed.

"And you fell for a French whore. What's your point?"

He blinked, somehow not affected by her little stab at his mishap with Eva.

"I didn't fall for her."

She was taken aback. Now, it seemed she needed some clarification, like she couldn't move on in their little _discussion_ until she got this right. "I saw you with her, Chuck. Everyone did. It was very clear how you felt about her. Everyone could see it. I'm not over-exaggerating this because I was pissed you had someone and I didn't even though _you_ were the one that had messed up. You had moved on."

He walked closer to her. She stiffened, despite the fact that there was still a lot of space between them. "I wasn't in love with her, Blair."

He bit her lip a bit too hard in her huff, in disbelief over what he was saying. It just didn't make any sense. She'd _seen_ him with her. It had been genuine. She could very easily see the difference.

"But, Chuck—"

"I was," he sighed, wondering if he even knew himself. "I was just missing you," he finally said, wondering if he would need to expound on that short explanation.

Was it enough to tell her that he missed her, that every time he did not have Eva in his arms distracting him, he was thinking about her? That not for one moment was he able to forget how badly he'd hurt her, and maybe that was why he conveniently found more time to be with Eva than with anybody else? He didn't have his heart back. He couldn't have even wished himself in love with the French girl he'd been so sure was the perfect solution. She was a fresh start, just what he needed to become that good person he wanted to be, someone who would be worthy to be in Blair Waldorf's – or anyone's for that matter – presence.

"Missing me," she repeated neutrally.

He sighed, well aware that he hadn't said enough. He didn't know if he could voice what would happen though. It wouldn't be enough. He didn't know what would. His life, and that of Blair Waldorf's when she was with him, was so very confusing and complex. He didn't know how to run it anymore.

"I didn't have my heart back, Blair. There was no way I could have fallen in love with Eva, even if I wanted to more than anything."

She swallowed hard. "I didn't want you fighting for me," she said. His eyes could not look away from hers, pleading for more of an explanation. The separation between them had built a wall that was hard to break through. So much had happened. They weren't the same people anymore. "I never stopped loving you, Chuck." She couldn't help the sharp cry from escaping her lips. She gasped shakily without warning. "I'll never be able to." Her eyes watered again. She was unable to fight them burning a trail down her skin. "But if you would have known that, you would have fought for me. And I couldn't forgive you for what you'd done. Just like I can't forgive you now." The strength in her voice faltered. It was unmistakable.

"Blair." He closed the distance between them and grasped her arms in his hands. Everything was so frighteningly clear now. He was afraid of it, but he wouldn't leave her now. "You forgive me for Jenny?"

She squeezed her eyes shut, refusing to answer the question, but more hot tears spilled down her face. Her breath caught in her throat. His grasp on her arms tightened and his lips came down heavy on hers. He thought she might push him away, but he couldn't stop himself any longer. She didn't push him away. She let him kiss her, and in an instant her arms wrapped around his neck and she pulled him desperately closer. When his mouth left her lips for her neck, she made a choked cry of his name.

"I love you." She shook in his arms. "I must be an idiot, but I love you." He looked up at her, pausing in his ministrations.

"I hurt you…with Eva."

Her watery eyes looked deeply into his hazel brown depths. "You thought I didn't love you." He kissed her again. She seemed to be crying into him. Shivers shot up her spine. "I want you, Chuck," she cried, clinging to him for dear life, her head set roughly at the base of his neck. She felt his hands wrapped around her waist, holding her to him as tightly as she was. "Tell me you still love me," she pleaded. Her head was in a clouded spinning mist. Her self-control was gone. Everything she'd stood for since being so brutally hurt by him last spring seemed to transform into her passion, her love, for him. The hurt transferred into that and all she wanted to do was never let go.

"Oh God," he moaned into her hair. "I love you, Blair. If I had thought for a second I still had a chance with you, I—"

"Shh," she hushed him. Her lips pressing into the skin on his neck. She didn't pull back, just held tightly to him, afraid to let go. This was dangerous territory, she reminded herself. He'd caused her so much hurt, and she'd finally put her foot down. But what else did she have besides him? All of her recent demise had been caused because she'd refused to tell him she loved him after all. He didn't deserve that. But she didn't deserve to be hurt again, and it stung so much when she saw how happy he was with her, with that _French prostitute_.

…

When he woke the next morning in Blair's bed, he wondered what had happen. He'd known they'd confessed things and that they'd ended up in bed fully clothed, but what would this morning bring. He looked up and saw Blair sitting on a chair on the far side of the room. Sun streamed through onto her face. He did not even know how to greet her. Would she deny him now that daylight had brought the cursed reality back to their senses? She certainly had every right to.

He climbed out of the bed and walked over to her slowly. He said nothing and she looked up at him. He looked too tired, and very worried. She lifted her hand up to cup his face and he got down on his knees so it would not be so much of a stretch. His eyes closed at the feel of her on him. Her fingers brought such warmth to him. He wondered how that was possible.

"Nate told me some things." Her hand dropped to beside her on the chair. His eyes flickered open. He could not remember anything recently he'd told his best friend, or that he might have overheard.

"For every time I tried to destroy Eva…" Her breath caught in her throat. The worry on his face instantly revived itself. He took her hand in his own .

"What?" he asked desperately.

She sighed. "The things he…" she looked away, trailing off.

"Blair, tell me," he pleaded. She swallowed hard.

"…about how Eva had changed your life, made you a better man, how no one else had ever been able to do that." Her eyes closed tightly and he saw the beginning of tears forming on her lashes.

"No, Blair." He cupped her face in his hands. "I was in some ridiculous little fairytale bubble, trying to live out a life that wasn't mine. Reality came crashing down as it always did, but I have never for one second forgotten how you saved me, and how many times."

Her breath was shaky when she opened her eyes. "You don't…regret me?" His eyes widened in panic as he started to shake his head involuntarily. "Or…" she sighed. "Us?" His hands abruptly tightened on hers. He leaned forward and kissed her firmly on the lips. His forehead leaned against hers as his hands traveled up her arms to grasp her shoulders.

"God, no. I just…" He shivered against her, then started to shake his head again. "I was in denial," he sighed. He opened eyes to look at her, less than an inch away. Her hand reached up and her finger traced the outline of his lips. "It's only ever been you," he made out. She tilted her head to kiss him. His hand moved up to wrap around her elegant neck.

"You said no one would ever measure up to what we had." She shook with her tears. He clung to her like a lifeline, beating himself up the more she spoke. He was giving himself long deep breaths inside, hoping he would recover, and still trying to say the right thing all at once. He would do whatever it took to keep this thing alive. He'd waited so long to have her in his arms again. "I thought that was true."

"It is, Blair. God, it is. She never measured up. Not for one second." He pressed her tighter against him. "I was just…"

"Shh," she whispered against him, cutting him off, her face nuzzled in the crook of his neck. Shaky breaths escaped her. "I'm going to try real hard to not be hurt," she sobbed into him.

He cursed himself for everything he'd ever done all over again. He wanted to rip his heart out, but knew without thinking twice that that would hurt Blair, and that was the only thing that kept him where he was. "I can't stop hurting you," he made out through grinding teeth. She shook in his arms and wrapped her arms around his neck. Her fingers twisted in his hair. She sighed into his mouth. "Tell me what to do," he pleaded. "Anything, and I'll do it."

She pulled away slowly and cupped his face in her hands. She looked at him intently. "Don't leave me, Chuck."

A relieved sense of wonder ebbed through him. He didn't ever want to leave, and now he wouldn't, he was sure. He stood to his feet, and picked her up. Her head cradled in his neck again. Very gently he lay her down on the bed.

"I'm never leaving you, Blair." He kissed his way up her body, slowly removing clothing as he went. She was tingling by the time he reached her lips. Tears were still damp on her face. He kissed them away.

…

A/N: Kind of open-ended as for what happens after that, except the obvious that they do sleep together. Lol. But yeah, it is assumed that Blair's forgiven him but is just not being too vocal about it. It's just basically them breaking down over how they feel and how they felt & on & on & on. As far as if things are fixed from this fic…*shrug* up to how you wanna interpret it! =D And…*sigh* yeah, I meant for this to be all angst, since I absolutely detested how Chuck went on and on about how Eva's the best thing that ever happened to him and Blair's almost completely what he hates – how she acts, etc. So, I was gonna have Chuck be kind of anti-Blair in this one, but apparently I have a knack for always ending my fics happily (most often). XD haha. I blame the CB gene. It always gives a happy ending. ;p


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